I’ve been away on holiday these last few weeks. We (Dh and I) went to California for his big ‘0’ birthday.
Once again I was struck by the fact that English is a universal language that, as spoken in a country different to our own might as well, at times, be gobbledygook.
It’s not just the whole wallet, purse, handbag, pocketbook, or hood, trunk, bonnet, boot, scenario. Not even pants, trousers, sneakers or trainers. It’s so much more.
I hold my hands up. I didn’t want to go.
I’d have to navigate. Out of airport hire car, (rentals?) car parks. (Lots? Lots of what?) Decipher road signs, street names and hyperventilate over different traffic lights. Shut my eyes as Dh overtook anything. Chant wrong side over here to myself at roundabouts. Worry generally. Try to read maps, give directions and not feel sick.
God, I’m pathetic. I’m insisting it’s an age thing.
Now I’ll be the first to admit that under pressure I can easily get my left and right mixed up. Sadly, I can’t say that is an age thing. I’ve always been like it. And saying your way, my way annoys the hell out of Dh.
He’ll say ‘left or right?” I won’t know. He’ll demand an answer. We’ll be rapidly approaching a T junction or something, So I’ll choose either. I’ve got a 50-50% chance of being correct.
He knows me. “Do you mean it or are you guessing?”
So to be told he really wanted to go to the States for his birthday holiday filled me with dread. Oh not the destination, although I’d’ve loved to had the chance to meet up with some readers I knew as it was his birthday present and we’d be on the move a lot I wouldn’t have time.
No, the what would happen once we were there. The travelling around. Wide roads or freeways or whatever. Lots of lanes and driving on the other side of the road.
Hell we live up a one track lane, the main road to town bends and twists and has only a couple of places where its wide enough to overtake and the nearest dual carriageway is over 20 miles away. Now I was going to be in a car with monster trucks all around me on a road with goodness knows how many lanes, trying to decide where we turned off. Knowing if I got it wrong we could be snookered and end up in Alaska or something.
Thirty years ago I’d have taken it in my stride. (maybe) Oh I’d’ve still got left and right mixed up, but I wouldn’t have stressed so much, but now… nope…I stress.
To make matters worse the Yorkshireman in him refused to pay the extortionate cost of a sat nav. Mind you they scare me shitless as well. I downloaded every Google off line map known to man and added a few more.
Worried. Had more sleepless nights than usual.
Warned the kids I night well be divorced when I got back.
Warned DH that one word, one bloody word about my lack of navigation he’d spend the rest of the holiday by himself. I’d take the next flight to somewhere I didn’t have to navigate. Alone.
And…well eventually (that’s another story in itself) got there. Got to the first hotel in one piece without me wetting myself though it was touch and go at times, and worried because I’d be doing it all again a few days later.
Three weeks, two books out, three sets of edits, one set of FLE and a set of revisions later I’m home.
We’re still married, although there were several fraught moments where I wasn’t sure about that. I mean, why on earth bother to put exit numbers on a map and a sign that match up? Too easy I guess. Much more fun to flummox the poor tourists.
Why offer gluten free meals, boast about it, and then say well lettuce is gluten free?
But conversely, contrary to what I thought, I enjoyed most of it. Except the navigating.
I got up at 5am to tackle the edits. Found lots of g-f food other than lettuce. Was overwhelmed by the friendliness of people. Enjoyed the wine, scenery, and got inspiration for a story.
And could write this blog and laugh about my patheticness. (I know that’s not a word but it should be.)
But I still don’t want to navigate around Las Vegas, or San Francisco ever again.
And I need a holiday to recover.
But instead I’ll get this last lot of edits done.
Happy reading, love R x
Oh and the plug…
The two books that came out whilst I was away, were The Scandalous Proposal of Lord Bennett(Carina and available from Amazon)
and Seducing the Rake, (Evernight Publishing and available from Evernight, Amazon Are and Bookstrand)
The one I plotted is not now going to be ‘How to get divorced in one easy lesson—navigate for your husband’, nor ‘The Body in the boot. (trunk) but a hot romance about a helicopter pilot…Or a sharp-suited business man who… okay bye…dashes off to write